In life you’re guaranteed to face setbacks, that isn’t the surprise. The surprise is that we so often bounce back from these setbacks. Through adversity we often become stronger if we learn the necessary lessons. The ability to learn from mistakes, synthesise new information and formulate novel winning strategies is what separates world changers from everyone else. The greatest human story is the story of the hero. The person who overcomes adversity to achieve something that has never been done before, that solves a problem thought impossible. Inside each and every one of us is a hero and that’s why we so easily relate to the struggle of a hero and admire the architype. Heroes have resilience, resilience – defined in the Oxford dictionary as the capacity to recover quickly from difficulties, it may also be considered toughness. From ancient Greek heroes to 21^st century heroes – heroes face their enemies and they don’t give up. Classical heroes such as Hercules and Achilles were incredibly resourceful and skilled showing great courage in the face of disaster. Modern day heroes like Nelson Mandela also showed incredible courage to stand up against apartheid in South Africa whilst facing the constant threat of death.

“Do not judge me by my success, judge me by how many times I fell down and got back up again”. – Nelson Mandela

Two of my heroes growing up and two people who still remain my heroes are my parents. I was blessed enough to grow up seeing resilience in my parents. Following family losses and career setbacks they rose with an aggression and focus that can only be compared to Michael Jordan and Tiger Woods. They refused to merely participate in life but had the faith to believe they could take control of their lives and futures. A strong faith summons in resilience from the essence of who we are and my parents have unshakeable faith. They remain a permanent source of inspiration in my challenging hours.

The best time to bounce back from a setback is right here and right now. Don’t let shame, guilt and inadequacy seep into the fabric of who you are and corrupt the nature of who you are. It can be very easy to get caught up in emotion when we face a setback, to let anger and frustration emerge from disappointment. It’s important to disengage when the emotions take hold, when the heart starts racing, sweat starts building and you feel flushed, it’s time to disengage. At times in my life I’ve found it difficult to detach from my emotions. I remember when I was in medical school and I performed poorly on one of my end of year exams and was required to repeat it. I know exactly why I didn’t score highly, I hadn’t prepared properly for it. I went through all the classic stages of grief (Kubler-Ross Grief Cycle). I denied it – they must have sent the wrong results to the wrong student, I can’t have gotten this score. Anger swept through – I hate this medical school and all the staff are trying to screw me over. Then I mopped around in my room for a couple of days in a self-induced depression. I tried to find other students who may be in a similar situation to me, bargaining and trying to understand how this could’ve happened. Finally, I accepted that I wouldn’t progress onto my next year of studies unless I put the demons of this exam to bed and dominated the re-sit examination – I was ready to move on. This took a whole week. Setbacks are tough but the human spirit is tougher still.

The first step is always the hardest but initiating action aggressively will pull you out of feeling sorry for yourself and get you facing life head on. A major key to taking the first step is being truthful, we need to tell ourselves the truth. When you tell yourself the honest truth about the situation you find yourself in and stop being a person of the lie change can happen. I had to tell myself that I had grossly underestimated the exam and my preparation was inadequate and deserving of a poor score. Gulp. A hard pill to swallow but the best medicine I could give myself (no pun intended). Once I told myself the truth I could forgive myself by taking ownership of the situation.

“Forgive yourself for your faults and your mistakes and move on” – Les Brown.

A degree of self-doubt is natural but when it becomes negative self-talk, it’s time to draw the line. I like to tell myself that when self-doubt kicks in, I’m onto something big. Your mind is comfortable in the familiar and will resist change. You need to go forward. What has often kept me from making a speedy comeback has been wallowing in self-pity, feeling sorry for myself. This obstacle that is causing self-doubt is an opportunity to grow, become stronger and integrate wisdom. The human spirit within wants to grow and uses setbacks as an opportunity to do so. Comebacks require strength, fortitude and will. It won’t happen overnight, it takes time and patience. Most things worthwhile take time, from relationships to careers. I spent 5 years in medical school and another 4 years in training and I’ve still got another year and half to go before I become a specialist.

“When we are no longer able to change a situation, we are challenged to change ourselves” – Viktor E. Frankl

It’s clear to me that change starts with me and accepting the current circumstances I may find myself in. As I change from the inside the outside begins to change. Also, I believe that inner peace and happiness leads to outside peace and happiness which can only be obtained through accepting current circumstances for what they are. Anything you accept no longer has power over you, you flip the script. I know life to be like a waveform, up and down, peaks and troughs, highs and lows. Accept it and move on.

“Resilience isn’t a single skill. It’s a variety of skills and coping mechanisms. To bounce back from bumps in the road as well as failures, you should focus on emphasizing the positive” – Jean Chatzky. 

I don’t like watching or reading too much news. I find the news channels and tabloid papers love to focus on the negative disastrous headlines. This is by design because consumers want the shocking horrific news, that’s what grabs attention and brings in the revenue, it’s business. I’m never left feeling better about the world after watching an hour of the news channel. You reap what you sow, so sow positivity and encouragement in all areas of your life.

“Weeping may endure for a night, but joy comes in the morning” – Psalm 30:5

Dr James